Communication

So, if you recall my post on electro, I had a Dom that kept me in excruciating pain and generally did not give me that much respect. After that experience, I pretty much had cut the Dom off and moved on. I labelled him as a "bad Dom." As of late, we started to talk again. I finally threw it all out there and said how I felt about the situation: disrespected. I'm fine feeling some disrespect in a scene, but when one puts me into a slave position when it was not negotiated from the beginning, I'm upset. He had not listened to what limits were crossed and when things were too much. Also, I need some kind of re-centering when an intense scene occurs. He apologized, and we continued to talk, pinpointed what went wrong and troubleshooted.

Once specific things that went wrong were found, understood and articulated, we continued to find what alternatives worked for both of us. We found a benchmark and met and explored it. We respected each others wants at this benchmark and it worked really well, and have decided to take that and move further using that.

I think this is a lesson for myself and I want to share it with others. Sometimes with kink you can get too hurt either emotionally or physically in a scene, and be left out to dry afterwards. Kink sex is another vehicle in which two people communicate, and when the sub hurt too much, the communication suffers. This is when one should bring the issue up. Renegotiation must happen in order to make things better and if the two can find a new agreement then it's definitely retrying.

Sometimes a Dom's desires does not align with the sub's at all, and then it is best to just not reconvene, and both should be strong and understand that their kinks do not align well. But otherwise, it's worth trying again to find a good benchmark and then work up. It worked this time for me, and if you're in a town where it's hard to find good kink players, it's definitely to your advantage to not just toss out guys that you already have some connection with.

Until next time, I wish you

Communication, cockrings, and cum control,
Bo