"Making Love"

Some people love this phrase, others abhor it. I really like it because it separates a type of sex that is very specific. Do I think you have to be in a committed relationship to "make love"? Not a chance. Making love refers to a very specific type of sex:

Imagine you with another person, very close, looking in each other eyes, making out holding each other in your embraces. With every element of desire and care for one another, dedicating yourselves to each other for at least this wonderful night. Ze or you penetrate you or ze, respectively. You're having sex and you are whisked away into the other persons eyes. You can't think of anything else than how you feel for the other person, the world passes by without your care or notice, just a love for where you are, and who you are with at this point. You feel romance and intimacy, you feel that ze cares for you. You care for zir.

This is what is rolling through your head, but even if you haven't met zir until today, you can still obtain this. But why is that even true? It's because this feeling is what most kinksters are prone to constantly think about: Headspace.

The framework of "Making love" is the most basic, most vanilla type of sexual headspace. The reason vanilla people have a tendency for passion in this way is that they have no experience in finding other headspace and find it to be what they really yearn for. Kinksters find themselves with another aspiration in headspace, a headspace that is more twisted, more power-structure driven, or more "taboo" or perverse.

So let's stop making fun of the vanilla people that are just enjoying "Making love." They're just like us, but with their own headspace, and don't know about the other great headspaces one can obtain. We just need to give them some education.

LOL

Is this why the Dykes on Bikes do it, and leather guys love bikes? I mean, racing leathers ARE getting popular..... :-)

In memoriam

I just got a new suit from Sparky, someone I'm happy I have in my life, that is the work of the late Bodisama, a man I cared about, along with his widower I was very close to. I have a connection with the rubber that he made, each piece is sentimental, and this is a former personal piece of his, which makes it even more sentimental to me. We miss you, Bodisama. We miss you.



Sabre hood and neck entry catsuit of Devil Dog Rubber, Bodisama's lovechild.

Sometimes...

You just have to sit back and take what's about to come.... (Courtesy: Sparky)

When you know

...that you're fucked. (Courtesy: Sparky)



First time I had ever played with a chastity device that didn't pinch me. Pretty cool. The one we used was this awesome silicone one. Definitely recommended as it doesn't bite as much and make you readjust while at work or whatever, I imagine.

Perving over Times Square.

Sparky and I were hanging out while he was in NYC this month and he had a really great view in his room. So he decided to take a picture of my rubbery self overlooking everything. It was pretty sweet.



More to come later.

Doctor's Orders

I came out last week to my doctor, kinkily. I started by asking him, "so... I'm curious what's safe, when it comes to kink." He was a bit caught off guard, looking at me, but then just replied "It's pretty much all safe." I have found out in the last two visits (I have a bit of a skin condition as of late, due to a new skin allergy I've acquired, etc.), that my doctor is extremely kink-positive and sex-positive and has answers to all the questions that I've always really wanted to ask my doctor but until now my doctor has been straight, and I've been timid.

First off, I had the first question of why it is that they ask me immediately if I've been having oral sex when I have a sore throat, and then test for chlyamidia and gonorrhea of the mouth. The answer is simple, this is the standard CDC procedure that they have now outlined for patients. This, I found interesting, but it's not exactly something that will help me practice sex safely when it comes to kink, so in the last couple of meetings, I've asked a slough of questions.

A Screen from Clinic Cum.

What S&M is safe? Is there any pain play I should worry about? CBT?

Doctor's Answer: All painplay, unless too, too extreme is safe.

What about watersports?

Doctor: Piss is sterile. You will be fine when someone pisses on you.

What about drinking piss?

Doctor: You should be concerned only if the person is doing drugs that pass through the body and is ejected through urine. The only real hard drug that one should be concerned about in this context is methamphetamine. If someone doesn't have an uncommon issue in their urinary tract nor is on methamphetamines, you're fine.

I like getting fisted, should I be worried?

Doctor: Your sphincter muscle loosens over time, but, if you're fisting, you already know that. Just be certain to know when it hurts and stop when it hurts.

Now, toys. How should one clean an electro buttplug? Is it safe to share?

Doctor: Electro buttplug? "Yes, it's made of metal" Ah! Cool. Um, you should just use Clorox wipes or Lysol, wipe it down and let it fully dry. You should be fine then.

Non-metal plugs and anal toys?

Doctor: Um, honestly, the dishwasher is best. Works for most things, but it will make silicon toys a bit powdery...

Me: I treasure my puppy tail and silicon toys, if it's going to mess with them even a bit, I'm not going to do that with them then. They're all for me.

Doctor: Okay then.

Poppers?

Doctor: They kill brain cells, but most things do, right? You know that. Just don't do them too, too often.

How should I feel about breath control?

Doctor: Well, I would say you should do it with someone experienced. If you're going for passing out, you should not be trying to do it through airflow, but via the carotid arteries. You should be careful and do it with someone that is a health profession or of equivalent experience, when it comes to near pass out play.

FYI

The Daily show segment I was talking about here is airing tonight, just so everyone knows!!

EDIT: Meh.

What is IML?

I think this is typically what people think of when they think of IML:



A bunch of handsome studly men in leather vying for a title. Also, some might think of this:



The Marketplace, as a place to try on new gear, find what one wants to buy and really get a good piece of gear to play with or in. Some people may like to think of IML as this:



A sex party (pictured here is a scene from last year's CODE IML. I don't think there's one this year though. I imagine one can continue to check their website for details). But in reality for most people I know, and I know this is true for me, I think of IML as this:



(Picture from the one of the awesomest kinksters around, Reddy, of Gearblast 2010)

A ton of kinky people, coming together, socializing and having a good time around people of like mind. This is seriously the main part of the event. And this is what makes it worthwhile. The friendships made at these events run deeply, and I think this is really what makes IML and other events. If this is your first event this month, don't forget that it's about the people, not the sex, not the hot men in the contest, not the hottest gear, not the most intense experiences, but the connections fostered with the other people. That's what these events are for, in my opinion at least.

Back

I'm back to actually writing as my hellfire semester is now over and I am now free!! So I am celebrating this with a picture of me not being free.



My friend Scott Mallinger took a couple photos of me for fun and then this is one of my favorites. He has some pervy talent. I think the restraints from Fort Troff look really hot here.

See you guys soon!
Bo

Philadelphians Kinky Carnival!

$5 cover (for the Karnival only- rest of the bar remains cover-free) and additional tickets for $1 each. All proceeds will benefit the AIDS Law Project. There will be hot wax play by Mike, floggings by Jim, electro by ScottDaddy, plus spankings, hot music, cold beer keg and more.

Saturday April 9th 8pm-1am.

Come one, Come all!

I'll be there, for sure.
Bo

PS I passed orals! One New Years Resolution fulfilled!

Mr S. Leather on Daily Show

Holy shit everyone. This is gonna be awesome. Jason Jones from the Daily Show is doing a correspondent piece on Mr. S Leather! This is going to be amazingly hilarious and it will be on tonight, 11pm EDT on Comedy Central (EDIT: it is now TBD. I will let you know as soon as Mr. S tells me when it will actually be on). Just a nice picture, which is surprisingly woofy to capture your interest. I think that's a neoprene shirt with a Nasty Pig Jock... Woof.



I cannot wait.
-Bo

PS Oral Exam tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Public Hypnosis.

Yesterday, a university in the area had a "Kinky Karnival" event for their students to learn more about kink and bdsm. I was working with Neil, the Erotic Hypnotist, to do some hypno-bondage and such in order for display hypnosis in conjunction with bdsm sex. As the demo-bottom, I was to go under and then let him display some things. Neil gave a great lecture on hypnosis and its applications to kink sex, and then played with two people with a minor party trick with a waking suggestion and it worked really well on one of them. She was pretty amazed.

Then it was time for me to go under in front of everyone. I was really nervous, as I was in front of around 40-50 people, some of which were my vanilla friends, and even one of my former students.

Neil did a rapid induction with me, and I felt my eyes starting to water as I stared at him, wanting to do well with him so that they could see what hypnosis could really do. I put my hand on his and then pressed down as instructed, and then after a while he lets go and I fell into trance. A single (emo) tear started running down my face, which was kind of odd and interesting. He started to get me deeper and deeper, gave me a sleeping trigger and then consequently took me in and out of sleep to get me deeper. He then gave me some of his standard hypnobondage triggers, and he showed them off to everyone, showing that I could be immobilized, have hypnotic handcuffs, and malleable to how someone sees fit.

He put me under again, asking if I would be okay with tranformational stuff, and I nodded. We tried to make me a puppy and my subconscious revolted. When he woke me up, and gave me the trigger, it didn't happen. It was probably about the public display and I didn't feel *that* comfortable, so that made it more complex I feel. I also had worried about the puppy play aspect in public before the event, so that may have been involved too. When it didn't work, Neil was really graceful about it and then put me under and gave me sensory triggers.

This one I didn't think was going to work in public, but as soon as he got me out of trance and pulled the trigger, I was getting a blowjob in my pants. I got a bit embarrassed, put this smug smile on and turned beet red. Everyone in the audience knew what that meant and everyone thought it was an amazing riot. I thought it was hilarious but I was a-ok getting a blowjob at that moment, especially hypnotically.

He then stopped it and put me in an immobilizing trigger and offered people to move me around. My friend got up came up to me and put my hands up and just said "As a devout Georgia Bulldog, I must do this to him" and made me do a Florida Gator chomp. I was hating every moment of this. He knew from that point that I was completely hypnotized, as I would have never let that happen otherwise. Everyone seemed really engaged and it was really fun for everyone to learn more about kink. They then went on to choose between electro and gear bondage demos. It was a really neat event for a university to put on, and I really wish we had this at my undergrad!! These type of events excite me as the world is slowly getting to know kink better. Everyone in the audience really interacted well, and very few of them had kink experience beforehand. It was really neat how all of them were enjoying themselves and really interested. Things like this are what will help us get a better street cred, not just the shocking parts of our culture that we throw down people's throats. Both are important, but this was really something that I think a lot of them will find memorable.

Until next time,
Bo

Fort Troff Sale!!

Fort Troff! They're going crazy for their Annual Sale. Half off Rubber? Don't mind if I do...

But honestly... I probably will just want to buy



That. Just wanted y'all all to know it's going down!

EDIT: Holy shit. All the rubber is gone! That was fast... Well, I just put my order in just to be safe for the other things I wanted... :-D

Break

Well, I had a great spring break, I'm en route to back home, to a meeting at 5pm and then going to go work for 16 days straight until my oral exam, but I have a couple of quick things to say about this weekend. I got some great kink in with connections old and new and I enjoyed myself thoroughly and I think it's gonna give me enough power to really power through the rest of my homestretch before my exam, coming in and feeling anew. Kink can do that when you're really into it. It makes you feel happy, very happy when you have such a nice time with it. Liberated, strong, and euphoric. Having a nice kink night really just makes one feel complete at times, and smiling for the next day.

But I'll leave you with one picture that I illegally took when I was hanging out with my friends when no cameras were involved (I know, I'm a terrible person), but I really thought it'd make a good piece. It sums up a piece of romanticism that I think is often lost in kink. I think it was cute:



The bottles are two individualized JLube bottles of one of my favorite kink couples. It makes me go "awww" as a good kinkster.

Until next time,
Bo

Kinks I don't have: Ice

I just don't really get it. It just happens. I tell Doms that I really don't care for it, and they just think that I just react to it and it should be punishment. I mean some people react really well to it. I just think it's there and doesn't add anything, and just is a boner-killer. I just don't find any part of it arousing when it occurs to me. It distracts me. That's about it. I'll go along with it, but, to be honest, I'm just rolling my eyes behind this blindfold.

March!!! - Kinky Karnival!

So it's upon us! My month where I have my final exam ever. Me standing there, with three men staring at me, attacking me with all of their demands until they are fully sated. Torturing me for hours on end until their thirsts are quenched, as I pleadingly make leaps of faith and desperation in order to try to please them. Well, mathematically at least. It sounds a lot better when I phrase it this way, though they would probably not be amused.

At any rate, the weekend before this event, I'm helping work a Kinky Karnival at my university. It's really neat. It's an annual event we have at the LGBT house for people to understand kink better. It was started by one of my friends at the school who happens to be a Philadelphian. Three things will be featured this year: rope bondage, gear bondage and hypnosis. That's right, my friend Neil will be coming down from NYC, and I'm helping demonstrate hypnosis with him. This will be open for people to see how it works. I like this idea of all three as it shows three great artforms of kink. Rope bondage is really classical in my eyes. It really is a "back to basics" approach when it comes to bondage as it started; however, I'd say it's one of the hardest to master. That's why I really think it's an invaluable kink to be included. Easier to start, very difficult to master.



Gear bondage is has much more startup cost, and really has no end to it. I think it's a great way to show safety as well and how people need to be completely aware of everything. It's also a great gateway to talk about leather and rubber as a kink itself and show how one can work rope into gear. I think it also has a way to humanize the kink as gear is typically what one freaks out about when it comes to kink, so this is a form of desensitizing. But still, it's just so hot for us pervs, no?



Just look at that.... mmmmm.

Now for hypno. I think this is a great place to end. Hypno has the great advantage of truly showing the connection possible with two people, and showing that the mind can make bondage occur even without any gear at all. I think this is a high form of relationships in bondage and shows how important the connection between a Sir and boy can actually be.

I like this trifecta, as it kinda shows what kink can be about: an aspiration towards perfection and a willingness to learn, an attitude of fearlessness while experimenting and using materials in order to achieve an experience that one desires, and a higher form of connection that one aspires to have with another that transcends standard consciousness. That's what it's about. That's pretty fucking sexy if you ask me.

Until next time,
Bo

The MAL 2011 post

Oh God. It's almost the end of February and I'm finally doing this post. Well, that's pretty amazingly terrible. At any rate, here it is! My MAL 2011 experience.

I arrived in DC after work Thursday and went to hang out with a couple that I’m good friends with. One of them picked me up at the bus stop, we went to my favorite restaurant in Hyattsville, MD, and then went back to their place. One of them, Adam, was going to his first MAL and would be my bedmate. I was very happy to be able to show him his first kink event, as he had been the first person to show me some kinks as we hung out throughout the summer of 2009. This was something I could show him. He was excited, yet very nervous, which I find to be the majority of all kinksters’ emotions when they first go to an event. The good thing though was that I was sure that he wasn’t going to trail around, as he’s a very independent guy and makes his own fun happen. We even have a codeword for unfounded, silly jealousy: “two cupcakes.” Long story. Anyways, it was a great time for us to spend some time with him and his boyfriend and then kind of have an indoctrination meeting for the kink weekend. I’d like to think that I calmed him a bit about it, but I’m really not sure.

On Friday we got up, did some errands and had lunch and then went to the hotel. We got there at 4pm and I had planned to meet Sparky from Seattle then. He was running late so Adam and I got our weekend passes for the market taken care of and then Sparky showed up carrying tons of gear. He met Adam, and then Sparky and I went upstairs to play a bit. This spawned into a video that will be posted at some time on sparky's blog and I will probably cross reference this when it is available, and will be coupled with me telling about the pup mentality involved. We played until about 10pm and then Adam came in right after we, well, finished. We then went out of the hotel into the bitter cold to find a neat dive pub with fried pickles which was much to Sparky's and my delight. Our play had made us work up an appetite, and a puppy's gotta eat. We finished and then went back to the lobby and hung out quite a bit and I met my friend J and also Neil and finally met Joey which was a long time coming. I ended up mainly hanging with J and cuddling with him a bit that night, only to end up crawling into bed at around 4.

The next day we crawled out of bed got ready and went to the Starbucks right outside of the MAL hotel, which was packed with kinky and non-kinky alike. Seriously, there were 30+ people in line with two people working the Starbucks. It was madness. We ended up in line next to Kai with a puppy tail in already at 11. I was amused and ended up watching the stares as we jokingly called the nonkinksters "muggles". We sat around, two keystone boys of leather, Adam and me talking about last night. The Hotel was new, so there was a bit of strife there. There were tons of rules they were trying to enforce, like a dress code in the upstairs lobby, trying to force all of us into the basement social area. People were being told to be quieter in their rooms, and to not bring outside alcohol into the hotel. We were all rebelling against these rules. A lot of the part of MAL is a form of freedom one can have, and that was important to us.

We then kicked off the day and went to the market. The market was pretty good. I wandered around the entire market. I had one thing that I really wanted, ankle and wrist restraints and I had a budget of about 200$ for them. I looked throughout the entire market and finally happened upon Mr. S and looked at their restraints. I was helped by an awesome guy, and finally decided on the Neoprene restraints, which were well within the budget range:

Pretty hot, right?

This was pretty awesome. I then met up with a lot of friends and got to catch up. I found one of my good haircut friends, and he and I wandered up to my room and he gave me a nice high and tight for the weekend. It slowly neared 6 and J had a party in his room. I came to find out that all of the crowd knew each other as many of my friends of the weekend ended up crowding the party for J's roommate D's birthday, celebrated with none other but CUPCAKES! I giggled to myself about Adam and my story as I got a bit tipsy. I found one of my role models Reddy, and then got dinner in the lobby with him and some new friends.

I ended up spending the majority of the night in the lobby, until I ended up having a bit of a cuddleparty with J Neil Sparky Joey and me. That was pretty amusing as Sparky was still under Neil's hypnotic spell the entire time. hehe.

The next day started well, but as I was up way too late I ended up missing my brunch invitation with one of my friends. So I ended up waking up and grabbing one of the two cupcakes left over in J's room. We then head to an irish pub for lunch and then head back down to the market. I started the day in an argyle sweater. I found the best rubber ever, at E7 Rubber, and ended up buying a pair of their rubber shorts with codpiece and then got fitted for a suit. (They're awesome--they keep your full custom measurements and make catsuits fully custom order for no extra price).

I went upstairs and changed into my neoprene singlet and camo shorts as I slowly became kinkier as the day progressed. I then saw some other friends and bought some nasty pig socks that I've promptly lost before I got back. At these events I always get super horny on Sunday afternoons, and want play and never find it. It's pretty amazing. I did, however, find some participants in the other conference in the hotel, the one of the National Association of Wheat Growers. I talked to Fonda and Arlene with Joey, and taught them about the community. They felt a lot better about who we were once I explained it. They asked if my parents knew I was here and I talked about how I don't talk to my parents about being gay and anything gay anymore after they sent me to conversion therapy for 1.5 years. They understood, and said they were actually sorry. I told them that kink was much more about a connection that two can share via alternate methods and that we have a community that shares this common interest and it's not all about sex, which, in my opinion, is really true. I also met John from outside of Columbus Ohio. I jerked his chain (proverbially) about Terrell Pryor and the OSU team and he was amazed this young faggot knew more NCAA football than him. He really didn't believe it until I started correcting him about his own fucking team. Dumbass. He then made fun of someone's puppy tail and I sharply told him he shouldn't, told him I would be wearing one later and he could touch it when it was in later that day. I unfortunately did not see John again.

So I got Chipotle with a friend, and then ended up finding sparky and we decided to play again. Before this though we wanted to hang with people in the lobby. I was in my rubber polo, my new rubber shorts from E7 with puppy tail and waders. My friend A finds me and wants to give me a drink at his place. We get into his room in the company of 11 other guys and, as since I have my puppy tail in, I immediately just lay in the sling as sitting is not an option. JohnnySwitch from Chicago immediately throws a towel on me, and A smears a cupcake all over my face. I'm dying laughing, as A is so well-intentioned in the fact that I have a pie/desserts mess fetish and he knows this. I shower off and then head back down laughing and knowing that these people that I know are just great people that I adore. I ran into Fonda and Arlene on the way back down, and took a picture with Fonda, as Arlene was too scared of the puppy tail. Fonda hit it and made it wag, which is the first and last time a grandmother has ever made my prostate clench. I then talk to Sparky who was giggling as he knew that was going to occur. We then went to play. This will also be talked about in the posts coming up, and he also videotaped this scene as well.

After that scene I was like jello, and I oozed into the lobby. By then, the hotel was well broken. People were bare assed in the lobby and everyone seemed to have had a great time. We checked out the next day with me already missing the event. It was just a great time. I enjoyed myself a lot and cannot wait until the next MAL.

Until next time,
Bo

Rubber as Kink Nouveau

As of late, I feel rubber has been really picking up steam as a kink, what with having the Mister International Rubber contest/weekend pick up for the last 15 years as well as many new groups selling rubber such as Priape, E7, TLS and many more internationally. But, as I look through the crowd that is into rubber, I can tell it is a much different demographic than the group you see wearing leather. I want to hit a couple of notes that I've thought through on why rubber is smaller and younger.

1. Rubber is younger, and has younger enthusiasts via history.

In case you didn't know your history, the gay leather subculture developed in the late 1940s along with the post-WWII biker culture. As it developed parallel to the motorcycle clubs, the publicity of wearing leather full-coverage also became more well-known. As it was more well-known, what with the motorcycle clubs, Hollister riots and other bad notoriety, it got a following for rougher gay men. How else can you curb the stereotype of being a sissy than to wear garb that associates you with a tougher crowd, and played into rough trade. With leather being austere in public, yet somewhat acceptable, leather had an advantage: vendors had a larger market. This catapulted the community into a better place.

1940s leather

Along with latex/rubber/PVC being a much younger textile for clothing, it's publicity in culture started much later. There was some fetishism in the 1940s, of pictures of people in scuba suits, but it did not have the following or mainstream potential that leather merited. The beginning of true fetishism started with PVC-style suits in the 70s, and really the 60s/70s fashion started the whole movement. As the movement is younger historically, so are the men that are getting into it now.

What rubber looked like at the start

2. Gender issues

My personal experience is that I saw leather as a sexual fabric early in life, it's something well associated with gay culture, and that was one of the first times I saw it. Dating myself as a relative child in kink, the first time I saw latex was Britney Spears' "Oops I did it again" video, and I was immediately charmed thinking "how fucking silly it was that she was wearing that shit." But now I am catsuit in tote (which I still hate calling a 'catsuit', and prefer 'full coverage suit.' I'm starting a movement to call it a 'pupsuit.') Latex has culturally garnered a mainstream feminization while leather has become masculine. Nowadays, this trend in media continues, with Lady Gaga/Rihanna wearing so much latex, while rock stars and pop men wear leather:



I feel the dichotomy of gender is slowly breaking down and materials are becoming less gender-specific. Via the internet, more outlets exist for people to see the harder side of latex and the austerity in kink scenes that it yields. This new outlet has been a reason that the scene has been picking up steam so much faster, as well as because it has attached itself somewhat as under the leather umbrella, but the younger men are getting into the rubber scene much faster as they don't have the existing hesitations about gender reserved textiles. However, when rubber is getting more exposure and getting bigger, we get better rubber products and the fetish is being viewed as butch at times. I mean, a picture is worth a thousand words (and hot as shit!!):

Stephane Donaldson, MIR 2009, and a fine piece of man. Woof!

Yeah, I'd hit that.

Until next time,
Bo

PS Re: #2, I may or may not have consciously chosen to juxtapose two people named Stefani (Gaga) and Stephane (MIR '09).

"I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it"

This is, of course, fairly trite compared to what we're all used to if you're reading this, but I can't think of anything but good to come of this! As they say, any publicity is good publicity.

I am not sure if Rihanna is actually kinky, as this is pretty trite and cutesy, but the way I see it, this is a great way to make kink not seem like a big deal at all. The more it is exposed to people in the world, then the less of a taboo it becomes. I don't get off on the taboo of kinky sex, I get off on the power exchange, the fun that it entails, the fact that they turn me on. Her latex in the video just exposes her as a sex symbol into latex. This can only show kids younger than us that it's okay to be sexual, it's okay to be into rubber, it's okay to be deviant and it's okay to have fun this way. I'm just very happy that she did this. Sure she could have made it legitimately dungeon-y, but I'm happy she didn't. This video isn't for us kinksters, it's for the people that judge us. It says, "Yeah, we're kinky. What of it? You can't say that this is really harmful."

Having a total rubber gimp getting fucked in the corner or a guy in a jock being flogged until he bled is our boner-inducing stuff. That's a slap across the audience's face (one that is well-deserved, and I'm happy that this is sometimes done!). This video is much more of a handshake with a smile to the general populace from Rihanna, and a nicely inserted wink to us when she has the hot boy taped helplessly to the mattress.

I'd love to hear y'all's opinions in the comments.

Until next time,
Bo

Pictures of my life. #1

I don't know what this says about me that I just keep this above my fridge at all times...



But I'm not actively going to change it. I just would like to not that the Bourbon is the most empty. I'm a good ole Southern boy at heart.

Gear Review: KinkLab bitgag.

So, I'm starting to do some kink reviews for TLA Gay Adult Toys' Kink section, as they asked me because they knew I was one of the kinky fucks in Philadelphia, so I thought I'd put it down here as this is a good collection of all my kink-related activities. Here's the Kinklab Rubber Bit Gag (priced at 32.99 USD, which is pretty good) that they gave me to try out. I've always wanted a bit gag, so it was neat to play with. Plus I still have it. hehehe.



Sure this piece has a bit of a salesman vibe, but it happens, I really like the piece, but there's more to the review than "this is awesome." It's also used in a really hot scenes with Nick Moretti and Nomad as well as Zach Alexander and Christian Wilde on BoundGods, which was really fun when I saw these scenes and said "Hey! I know that gag!" These pics make it look less horsey than thought when I first got the gag.

Moretti and Nomad on BoundGods

Hi-ho silver! This piece from Kinklabs really has a truly good concept. Bit gags have many advantages when one compares them to ball gags. It keeps a face that is halfway between smiling and grimacing, and, lets be honest, your submissive bitch is smiling on the inside when he’s grimacing on the outside. Also, as the boy continues throughout the scene, the pervert will start to dribble saliva over the gag, humiliating him due to his slobbering. This is definitely a good drool gag for the people that are into it, and for me, that’s half the fun of gags. Moreover, a bit gag is perfect when it comes to fitting a sub, as the gag part is not too big for anyone, but will keep them plenty busy, depending on how tight you make it.

This bit gag has a hard but chewy rubber mouthpiece, so the sub can really bite into it when you deal out your punishment, and makes the gag not quite comfortable, but close enough that they can concentrate. He won’t forget it’s there, but he’ll be able to focus on what you want done.

Depending on the purpose of this gag, the gargantuan metal O-rings can be fun or ostentatious. If you want this gag to be about pony play, then the metal rings are perfect to hook the bridle in and get on it, Tonto! But if you’re looking for the gag to be just a way to stifle your slave boy’s moans of pain and pleasure, then the gargantuan rims on this gag may distract you. It’s some serious bling, which I found disconcerting, but this gag from a pragmatic standpoint is exceptional. The O-rings have grown on me more each time I buckle it onto my boy.

The lockable buckle in the back is a really great feature, since you can make your boy submit up to your whim and even if he’s not bound, he’s still stuck with it. Definitely perfect for a “if you really want to talk to me, you have to finish the scavenger hunt” type of game. You can even ride him around the house while he finds each clue! In the end, this piece is a good basic addition to the spicy collection of fun in anyone’s toy chest, but is better suited for the people that are starting to be into pony play.

Wilde and Alexander on BoundGods

Until next time,
Bo

PS MAL was great. Post soon, I promise. Plus a lot of fun that has to do with Sparky and MDW, two of my fellow bloggers!

Question of the week 1/10/11

Hey all, I've decided since I've started getting feedback on recon and here from people about my blog that I'll start a new thing where I'll answer questions I may get. Leave a question and I'll try to respond via post, if it's good! Liam from Australia had a good question, so I'll bring it up here.

Got a question, which was triggered from something you said on your blog, if you don't mind!

I'm a pretty kinky guy, but I'm really not open at all about it, and have yet to have the guts to go out to one of Melbourne's fetish bars in my rubber gear. Part of the reason of that is that I don't think my love of rubber is entirely a defining element of who I am as a person, whereas for most of the guys who frequent those places, rubber and leather are their lives.

For me Rubber is something I absolutely love getting into, and gets me harder than pretty much anything else, but I don't feel that it defines who I am as a person. For you, Rubber seems to be a much more integral part of who you are, so maybe you're not going to relate to this so much, but I thought maybe I'd ask.

Sorry if this is a bit rambly, it's late. Appreciate any advice or reassurance or anything really. Just like need talk to kinky guys my age I suppose!

-Liam

Well, first I'd like to reference something really clearly spoken by Johnny Gear, here:

And in this society, we have a significant uphill battle to express our sexuality. We have to look out for each other's well being, even reaching across gender and fetish boundaries, whether we like it or not we are inextricably linked.... It's far more important than any particular gender, or fetish. I consider my fellow kinks to be brothers and sisters, people worthy of respect and dignity. We've all struggled to be who we are, and we're all struggling to figure out how best to express it. These are the things that make us a community.

I feel that being a kinky gay automatically puts you in a subculture inside the gay community, and that is something that you seem to have come to terms with. In a lot of ways, coming out kinky is very much like coming out gay and you can display this in different ways: keep it nebulous, keep it hidden, talk about it openly, be proud of it and display your sexual agency, or a mix of these. Personally I mix it all. I wouldn't ever say that kink is my life. My job is my passion in life, and always will be, but kink is something I think is an important part of me no matter what and I think it's important for me to express it, just like being gay is something I express. Claiming my sexual agency via these avenues is crucial for me, personally, to develop as a sexual being. Kink is not my life, but it is a part of it, and I'm not going to deny myself the opportunity to explore this avenue to its fullest. Just as you would say that being gay is part of your life, kink is part of your sexuality so it's a part of your life. It's easy to think that people online that have kink blogs or are really kinky have only kink as their life, but really the majority of us have lives, quite active lives where kink is just part of it.

With that comes becoming part of the community, and wearing gear in public at a bar is part of it. I find that there are two parts to wearing gear out in public. Firstly, it's extremely liberating. I was really worried when I wore rubber out to the leather bar for the first time. MAL was great and I enjoyed that, but I was really concerned the first time I did it. I was meeting a friend at the bar, and I didn't wear rubber in, I had it in a bag. We went to the lockable bathroom and I changed with his help into my rubber. I was worried. Really worried. But in the end, I got more attention at the bar, I had much more of a blast at the bar, ended up meeting some cool people and really enjoyed being in gear in public. It really bolstered my self-confidence as a person that I wasn't delimited to only wear this in private, that I was fully expressing my kink in a community that embraced it. It definitely was great. Nowadays I do it almost every time I go to the leather bar just because it's really easy to do, it's a great conversation starter as rubber isn't that big in philly and I'm exposing a lot of people to it, and it's just plain fun.

The other thing is that it is kind of a pay-it-forward thing to wear gear in public. I kind of reference that here, but it's really true. By us wearing gear out, we're developing the community better and really making a great atmosphere for kink. The basement in the bike stop in philadelphia in the summer is laden with flip-flops and cargo shorts. This makes the mood of the bar somewhat spoil at times, so it's much better when people just take the plunge and go for it. But also, the great thing is that it shows the curious, the worried, the kink-confused a good face for the community. I've seen a lot of people in the leather bar that are worried and concerned but really kinky walk in. Having a face in gear that is normal, not creepy and just another person really helps them out. I have had a lot of friends confide in me that they are closet kinky just from seeing me in gear or me talking about kinky to them. It really lets them let go and exclaim something that has been deeply suppressed in them. So for a selfless reason, it's great to go out in gear to get a community open and developed.

And the purely selfish non-mental reason: I get phone numbers of the hotter guys when I'm in gear. Just saying.

-Bo

Assimilation for Rights

Every once in a while, I end up in the gayborhood of Philadelphia and decide to go out to the vanilla/standard gay bars. I ended up at Tavern on Camac in the piano bar with one of my friends and his crew. Somehow, invariably when I'm out with the vanilla gay, someone makes a fisting joke and then someone says "Ow" and then I feel like a teaching moment can occur. So I continue talking about fisting and typically I get one of three responses: "Yeah but still seems like it would hurt," or "Yeah but I pride myself on having a tight hole," or "Yeah but I don't know." All of them include my least favorite coupling of words when it comes to an argument "Yeah but" as it's clear that the teaching moment is going ignored. This is something that I've noticed about a lot of vanilla guys and their reactions about kink. They seem to want to justify why they don't want to do it, but really "I get you. It doesn't really get me hard though" would be fine. Someone being kinkier than you is not an affront to your character. Just like I don't take someone it scat as better or worse of a person than me, just another person that has a kink that's more taboo than the majority than mine.

At any rate, then the conversation came onto the topic of monogamy. I said that I was not monogamous, feeling that, for me, it just leads to me feeling trapped in a relationship. A couple of guys and I were in this conversation and they claimed "Oh you mean like playing together, yeah that happens and it's cool." I clarified, "No, I mean where each person can just play with who they want, and just be honest with one another." This was kind of a shock to both of them and one of them piped up and said, "Well, I don't really see how that would work, and that's kind of what is an issue with what's going on with gay marriage and such you should really figure out what you really want."

I was kind of shocked at what I was hearing. This is something that bothers me to no end, that somehow a kink relationship or a non-standard or, dare I say it, DEVIANT relationship is somehow less serious or less valuable then another form of relationship. We're now apparently pressuring one another to live a more standard life in order to gain acceptance from the straight community so we can get rights? I'm not down for this.

I want to get rights for our community, but I don't think that we should ever try to become something we aren't in order to get the rights we rightfully deserve in the first place. That would just make us have more work to do when we get the rights. There needs to be acceptance of us as a community. I have heard arguments that "The leather community kind of hurts us from an activist's perspective." This regarding to people thinking that venues like IML show the gay community as a sexual community, and representative of all gays. Well, first off, we are not representatives of the gay collective body, but we are members, and we should have the sexual agency to do what heart feels is appropriate. Second of all, we are fighting for activism just as hard. With leathermen like Mark Leno in the CA Senate working for LGBT rights, it's kind of absurd for people to think we are selfish for doing what our sexual agency allows.

CA Sen. Mark Leno (center)

Also, on another note, queer open relationships have worked. I woke up today to seeing two of my kink friends with an open relationship having a new facebook album, entitled "Marriage" (they got married in Ottawa). I don't know how many open relationships I see working in the community as people are honest and find rules that work for them. Well, congrats to them not compromising themselves for the sake of some ignorant assimilationist that wants to push their internalized homophobia on them. :-)

Rant over.

Until next time.
Bo.

Self-Masochism vs Self-Mutilation

This has always been something that I've been concerned about. Masochism is a great kink and there's a great number of ways to do this, many I enjoy which are not limited to Cock, ball, and tit torture, but sometimes you've got to take a step back and curious "why am I into someone hurting my genitals?" Is it actually because I'm into it, or is there something else going on.

I ask this as I came across a gruesome picture of someone stabbing themselves near the groin with a knife. At first my kneejerk reaction was "Yikes!" as the seemingly kitchen knife looking object was causing a lot of blood and it pierced the skin, went deep and came out of the guy. I couldn't look at it for more than five seconds. I'm the type of guy that wants to desensitize himself from a kneejerk reaction of "Gross!" when it comes to someone's kinks, so I kept looking back at it. The guy is semiflaccid in the picture, and it's obvious it's been in the skin for long enough for him to take a pic and the blood to seep out (I'm sparing y'all the picture for your own sake), so he's not instantly getting hard in the sensation. I looked down the page with comments and noticed my friend had responded saying they knew this person.

Well, I asked my friend. He's not sure if this person ever really got over being gay, and has never really had a relation besides someone beating his genitalia.

You have to ask yourself, is this punishment for being gay? Is this person mutilating their genitalia and groin region for not acting straight? So, sometimes I feel you have to ask about each of your kinks, is this healthy? Am I doing this because it legitimately turns me on or is it because I have an issue? The answer should be always be "because it legitimately turns me on." I'm not saying that your history cannot influence the kinks becoming what they are today. I am just saying you need to make sure that everything about your kink is healthy, and that you are in the right frame of mind, instead of a cyclone of self-destruction.

I'm not going to say kink doesn't have therapeutic qualities. It definitely does. I have heard of cases where a woman has been stabbed once and knifeplay got her over the post-traumatic chronic fear of being stabbed and got her through her coping. This happens; however, one needs to be careful and make sure it's working well and actually helping.

When I was a young kinkling and hadn't really experienced any kink, I went to a "Facilitating Public Health in the Kink Community" workshop at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's Creating Change conference 2008 in Detroit, MI. It really focused on one thing, how to find abuse in the kink community, and all the same reasons are there. Well, all the same mental reasons that are the pinpointed things about an abusive relationship in the vanilla community are there as keys in the kink community. So, to think that we're a special case when it comes to abuse in a relationship, it happens just as well with us, except our physical bruises aren't a good clue. You have to look inside, in your heart, and see whether or not you're trapped, you're walking on eggshells everyday, you're scared of who you think you love.

Use kink as a vehicle for happiness and self-confidence, not a way to stay in a rut of self-pity/hate. Even a humiliation fetish can get someone happier, you just have to have the right outlook.

I am just tired of hearing self-mutilation stories ending with people in the hospital. Let's take care of ourselves as a community, kinksters.

-Bo

PS It's late and I'm sleep deprived, so give me a pass when any of this is poorly worded. I blame MascDudeWriter for getting me on such a shitty sleep schedule.

Mid-Atlantic Leather coming soon!

For all of you that do not know, Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) is coming up this MLK weekend. What a better way to have a Day of Service than a Weekend of... uhh... Service! Since the number of days before it is now in single digits, I thought I'd like to take some time to say some things about MAL as a venue.

First off, MAL has a reputation of being the "friendliest" of events. I will tell you one thing. My MAL experience was not as friendly as my other experiences at events, but I did have a Dom hovering making sure I didn't play with anyone else last time, which kind of dampered everything last time, while at other events I've had the opportunity of going stag. This time I'm bringing a good friend to his first kink event, and I'm hoping he has a good time, and is a good pig in his own right.

The best part of MAL, as I had said in my review of MIR, is the lobby. There was a rumor that the lobby was now non-existent as MAL changed venues, but I can assure you that this is not the case. Two friends and I were in DC and decided to venture to the Hyatt Regency on Capitol Hill to investigate, and the lobby is actually better. The Washington Plaza hotel was dirty and small which is fine, but this new lobby, as long as they give us free-reign, will be really huge and great for everything. My favorite part is the entrance, which will be a great vista into kink on Friday and Saturday nights. When you walk into the revolving door, there's a balcony overlooking the entire lobby, and then you take an escalator down to the lobby itself. What a great way to cruise.

I think the lobby will stay a crucial part to MAL and the best part of the socializing aspect of MAL, and it will help it's tradition of being a friendly kink event, and a perfect first event for people. Another thing is the openness of types of kinks MAL kind of opens things up to. The pictures on the webside include more rubber than leather, actually.

Buahahaha, we're taking over. And also I really want those gloves, and have no idea where to get them.

Now, one pet peeve has already happened with MAL this year. They have a new admission policy to the market, of a person having to pay 25$ for the whole weekend in the market. This is bothersome for me. I feel like for some of the younger crowd, the market is their first way to do hands-on exploration of kink. A lot of these kids are local and a lot of them are going to feel hard pressed even for the 10$ day pass to not explore the kink in the market. Recon has a great policy when it comes to young students at events that they are at, which is that they have a history of giving free premium to someone until they turn 25 if they see you at an event and you fill out a form. I'm happy to say I have free premium for a couple of years. The young ones are the future of kink, and I feel like even I have an obligation to help the ones less experienced figure things out. MAL is not helping at all. They just want cash and I find this greedy, as some people can't afford that.

In all, it's going to be a good weekend. The Hotel is sold out and it has an indoor pool that's heated. I'm excited for the hilarity. I'm bringing my speedo, I don't know about you. Oh yeah, and my rubber to have shittons of fun both in and out of sleepsacks.

Until next time, I wish you speedoes, spitting, and spelunking,
Bo

The Don Juan of Vibrators

So I was at my friend's apartment for New Years hanging out and having fun, and we played a game and winners got booby prizes. My friend works for TLA Studios, so you never know what that means. At any rate, the winning team opened the boxes and what do we find? A selection of toys TLA has chosen not to sell, and for good reason, if you ask me. I give you, the Masturazor:


What the hell is this? Sure, we know it's an insertable, and the box even says phthalate free, so it has some quality; however, what the fuck is the clip on, is it like so you can put it in your pocket protector? Are you going to clip it in? If so, how? I'm so confused... But the best part of it is here:

It has a razor in it. One of those microtrim razors that were all the rage on TV infomercials. Why? Just I don't get it. If you get it, lend me a comment, but I'm just flabbergasted. The vibration of the vibrator is not created by the razor itself, as we took it apart and it still vibrated when you took the razor hardware out of the vibrator. Also, it says it has safety precautions where the razor and the vibrator can't be used at the same time. Then what's the point!?! Just buy a vibrator and a razor and be done! I'm so confused/amused by this piece of industrial design.

Oh! And on the back it congratulated you on your purchase, called it the "Womaniser" of sex toys and the spanish was endearing and called it the "Don Juan de vibradores"

What's the next great idea that this Edison of Sex Toys will come up with? I can't wait.

Until next time, I wish you kinky thoughtfulness in your sex gear.
Bo